13th of February 2016

13th of February 2016

13th Feb 2016. It’s been 8 days after my second chemo session. It’s becoming more clear to me that this ain’t gonna be an easy ride- The chemo/steroids cocktail feels more like they are attacking my brain rather then anything else. My thoughts fogged, my ears blocked, my voice slightly coarser and my movements slower .
The irony of this whole experience is that I seem more like a ‘normal’ person now , then the rushed, super charged, maniac women I used to be just over 8 weeks ago; My body is definitely trying to teach me a lesson.

Yes, I basically lost all my hair now as you can see. It even complements my signature duck face . I don’t mind it as much really. Since I started chemo, I get hot flushes in my head most of the time, so wigs and scarfs aren’t always bearable. I just do most of my shopping and errands without. The attention it gets it’s undeniable. Some people stare, laugh or remain baffled … When I’m with Wayne , we giggle at people’s reactions and we actually joke about it. My shiny bold head has become the stress ball of the family. I could even start charging money every time people ask me to touch it. *Bad news* my legs are still hairy grrrr… I was promised silky smooth, hairless body all over and i only lost my hair… Not fair! :p

In the following weeks I’m expected to loose my eyelashes too. That is kind of freaking me out. Thankfully my eye brows have been perfectly tattooed by the talented Sarah Elise before starting my chemo sessions. I believe it makes a big difference to a face. I know that all is sounds rather vain, but someone who is passing through this experience doesn’t just stare death in the face but s/he has to also deal with his/her own reflection every single day- which is sometimes scarier. Seeing yourself changing in such a short period of time can also contribute to a lot of emotional stress and although these are temporary physical changes , it can make a whole difference to your state of mind which in tern also determines your general health.

My new diet, meditation lessons and homeopathic treatments also contributed to a better state of mind – Many Docs just bluntly told me these are all ‘cucati’ and that it is all in my head… Well, although I’m eternally thankful for all the cure and attention I’m getting, it doesn’t change the fact that our brain is an amazing machine which in all due respect, orthodox medicine still knows very little about. If all this is a placebo effect, I’m happy to accept all the ‘cucati’ I come across . I feel more energetic then most patients I meet in hospital, I have less nausea and best of all I don’t feel like my life has slipped away from me. I feel blessed to have come across so many caring people with loads of knowledge on health and holistic wellbeing.
Of course there are ‘bad days’ – days where I wake up head down in a toilet bowl and days where I cry for ‘no reason’ – but those ‘days’ are actually just a handful of hours in a day – my remaining 19hours are usually great and that includes 8 restful hours of sleep. I’m grateful for that as I know many ‘healthy’ people who don’t even manage a good night sleep, so I consider myself lucky.

My valentines this year is going to be a special one- spent with the most important people in my life; my family. Happy Valentine’s Day everyone xxx
#FuckCancer

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